[Last day to enter my Gather bar GIVEAWAY!!]
Once upon a time I gave you all some tips on how to make friends at the gym. 😉
Well, now your girl’s back with round TWO. How to make friends at the grocery store….
With these tips you’ll be bagging hotties in the check out line and finding your new BFF near the deli case!
Cause congestion in the parking lot by obsessively following people from the store exit to their cars. We all know how important it is to get a parking spot right up front and minimize the amount of steps we have to take to get into the store! Mustn’t exert ourselves.
Tailgate people with your cart. Better yet, run into their ankles! They’ll appreciate the literal kick in the butt to get moving and get their shopping done with more zeal.
Instead of looking at the PLU number of your produce when you fill your bag, look it up when you’re weighing it on the scale. It’s more fun (yay for pressing buttons!)! And I’m sure no one will mind the extra time you’re spending at the machine.
Or better yet, don’t weigh ANY of your produce! The cashier can do it all at the register. The people in line behind you won’t mind….you’re giving the cashier a chance to practice their memory skills after all!
Touch and forcefully squeeze every apple before deciding you’re not going to buy apples this week. Your fellow shoppers will appreciate you evaluating the quality of the products they’ll be buying! Plus, you’re building up their immune systems by exposing them to all your germs.
Leave your cart in the middle of an aisle as you gallivant around the store getting your groceries. People like dodging abandon carts as they weave through crowded aisles. It’s like a real life game of Mario Kart!
Place items you decide not to buy in random places all around the store. The workers will get a kick out of this hide n’ seek game you devised for them!
Park your cart and your body smack dab in front of the items you’re looking to by as you begin to study and compare the nutritional information. It’s unlikely that anyone else will want to have access to those items and you’re showing everyone how important it is to be health conscious!
Talk loudly into your earphones or hands free device. Most people are so bored with their mundane lives and would love some entertainment at the store by learning all about yours!
Make sure to pull out your coupons promptly when you get to the register. The more, the better….especially if they’re the kind that the cashier has to manually type in. You’ll make your fellow shoppers feel like they’re on an episode of Extreme Couponing.
Ask for your groceries to be double bagged with paper and plastic. The people around you will admire the great care you take in transporting your groceries. Who needs trees anyways?
Alternatively, if you have reusable bags, give everyone around you the stank eye. By shaming them, you’ll force them to think about their environmental unfriendliness. They’ll thank you in the long run.
Stop at the exit to carefully and thoroughly read over your receipt. The people around you understand the need to bask in the brilliance of your carefully executed shopping trip!
Leave your receipt, shopping list, and free sample containers in your cart! The next person may want some inspiration for what to pick up on their on shopping trip.
And last but not least, deposit your cart not in the cart corral, but directly in the middle of a parking spot. It’s a like a last little symbol of your presence at the store that day! And I’m sure the next person trying to park there will appreciate having such easy access.
So write out your list, put on your best ‘bitchy resting face’, and get ready to make some new pals on your next trip to the grocery store! 😉
What are some of your grocery store pet peeves?
Do you ever come across angry people when grocery shopping?
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Today’s Healthy Help: Bought a cup of coffee for my professor.
Never too early to start Lending a {Healthy} Hand for this week’s round-up! Tell me what you’ve done to help someone else lately!
31 responses to “How to Make Friends at the Grocery Store”
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hahahaha, I love this post. <3 Those pictures are the perfect additions! 😛
Thanks Farrah!
Tee hee! I know my mum commits nearly all of these so I may have to send her your way 😉 thank god she’s started doing most grocery shopping online now!
Grocery shopping online!? That’s certainly more convenient! 🙂
Eek, so many of these thongs are my pet peeves. Especially kids who block the entire aisle–sometimes I just want to run them over.
I’ll see you in the produce section 😉
Haha yes! 😉
HAHA I was thinking this would be a serious post. It was refreshing to have this chuckle this morning!
Another thing (not just at the grocery store) to add is driving the wrong way in the parking lot. My husband does this also and I absolutely hate it! I want to shrink down in the passenger seat so nobody sees me.
Glad you got some laughs! 🙂
I thought this was hilarious! Had to share on twitter! Great post 🙂
Thanks Ana! I appreciate it!
Um is it awful to say I hate parents who let their kids just stand in the middle of the aisle in the grocery store? Also parking in general gives me such anxiety here in SF at the store.
Also, parents that let their LITTLE kids push the cart! Ugh.
Love this! How funny. Costco is one of my favorite places on earth, but shopping on a Saturday is one of my least favorite things to do ever. The people crowding the samples taking up the whole aisle with their abandoned carts, and moseying through the store in the middle of the aisle with your 5 kids taking up every inch of space is enough to make me want to slit my wrists. That’s all!
SUNDAY SHOPPING IS THE WORST!! I always end up going to the store that day and ALWAYS regret it!! LOL
HAHA, pretty hilarious. I especially love reading your produce while weighing it. HA.
Thanks Jamie!
Hahahaha, this is so funny! People standing in front of what I need is the worst, although it’s certainly not my only grocery store pet peeve. There was this family the other day with both their kids and they took one motorized cart and one large cart. Their kids (mind you their kids were like nine years old) were riding in the carts and they kept cutting in front of me and going super slow! By the end of that trip, I’d given them the stink eye a couple times…
Haha! Definitely deserving of the stink eye!! 🙂
this is awesome!!!
Thanks Dixya!
“Most people are so bored with their mundane lives and would love some entertainment at the store by learning all about yours!” Love it!
Haha! Thanks Jenny!
This post was funny! Also, you should dart out of the aisle like a mad person so the people passing the aisles minding their business will get hit. That will teach them to look where they’re going. Give them an evil look while you’re at it. LOL. Visiting from #SITSsharefest
Thanks for stopping by!! 🙂
Too funny Kaila. I’m that person that doesn’t pretend to look for something else while waiting for someone to move away from what I really need. 😉
Haha! Same here!
This made me laugh! Gotta love all the crazies at the grocery store…
Hehe! Glad it made you laugh!
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