In my time away earlier this summer, I learned a lot about myself. The motivations behind my behaviors, the reasons I choose certain coping mechanisms, and some of the ways I get in my own way.
In some regard, we all hold ourselves back in some way. Whether it’s our insecurities, our self doubt, or our own unrealistic expectations for the world around us.
With all the hardships the world throws at us anyways, why not eliminate one by not becoming our own worst enemies? Why stand in our own way when we can be our biggest advocates?
Today I’m sharing 4 common ways we stand in our own way every day. But I’m not just leaving you hanging! I’m also giving you ways to reframe these destructive behaviors. 
1. You actively engage in self hate.
Self hate is present when it’s serving a need for you. For some people it’s protective…a coping mechanism perhaps. People feel if they pick on themselves and focus on their flaws it will be taken off the table for others to do it to them. As if they have to acknowledge how bad they are before anyone else has the chance to do it. This inhibits you from realizing your true potential, learning all you can about yourself, and building intimate relationships with others. When you don’t love yourself, you don’t open yourself up for love from others and can’t form deep, vulnerable relationships.
Instead…Practice compassion for yourself.
Having compassion and self love take practice. It doesn’t come all at once but if you start to counter your negative thoughts towards yourself with positive, true ones it will get easier and easier to see (and embrace!) the good in you.
2. You wallow in your anxiety.
Anxiety keeps you stuck in place. It makes you dwell on the past and worry about the future. You lose the ability to live presently and experience like in color. People with anxiety have thoughts just like everyone else, the difference is that they let them burden them by overanalyzing instead of letting them float in and out.
Instead…Let the external world hold your worries and treat your thoughts as what they are.
When your worries overwhelm you, give them up to the world. Whether that’s a higher power, just saying them out loud, or simply (or rather not so simply) deciding to put them out of your mind for the time being. This is called containment and it involves putting your worries in a box (literal or physical) and just letting them sit there. You can come back and address them later in the day to resolve things, but by that time the anxiety will likely have passed and the worries will no longer hold power. Thoughts are just thoughts. They may seem insurmountable at times, but they are only temporary and they do pass.
3. You are resistant to change.
Change is inevitable. It’s necessary and it allows for growth. I recently shared a quote by George Barnard Shaw, “Progress is impossible without change. Those who cannot change their mind cannot change anything.”. I love this. We often get stuck in our routine habits and thought patterns. This keeps our lives in a parked position.
Instead…Remind yourself that change is inevitable.
Change is hard. It means retreating from safety and exploring the unknown. But when we allow ourselves to embrace the reality of change, a world of possibilities opens and our ability to react and adapt appropriately in all areas of life is strengthened.
4. You live in a black and white world.
The world is not black and white, but many people’s mind reside in a polarized world of extremes. Things are either one way or the other and there are no in betweens. This type of thinking limits you. It stops you from acknowledging different perspectives, unknowns, and the stuff that’s hard to put into words.
Instead…Embrace the grey areas.
Gray is more fun. There are more possibilities, more chances to discover new perspectives different from your own, and more room for happiness. When you stop seeing things as either good or bad, all or nothing, you can live in the middle, moderate world wand experience the full range of emotions.
Do you find yourself engaging in any of these behaviors?
What’s one way you’ve held yourself back in life?
What’s ONE THING you can do today to work towards reaching your full potential?
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48 responses to “4 Ways You’re Holding Yourself Back”
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This is so true, my friend! Great post and perspective. It’s so great to see you living a balanced mindset and lifestyle. You’re a beautiful person Kaila!!:)<3
Thank you so much Heather!
I definitely used to be SO resistant to change and it really did hold me back! Once I finally learned to let go and think positive, I’ve grown so much! Great post, Kaila!
Thank you Liz!
kaila, I LOVE THESE! I found this most interesting:
“This is called containment and it involves putting your worries in a box (literal or physical) and just letting them sit there. You can come back and address them later in the day to resolve things, but by that time the anxiety will likely have passed and the worries will no longer hold power. Thoughts are just thoughts. They may seem insurmountable at times, but they are only temporary and they do pass.”
AND I am so guilty of not liking change…I am a routine creature
Thank you so much Amber! I too am very routine so I constantly have to challenge myself to be spontaneous!
Love this! Really makes you think. I think being resistant to change is one thing I tend to struggle with too. But sometimes you just gotta embrace it!
Yes definitely! I find that when I stop fighting it and start embracing it, I am so much better off.
All the time. But now I see it and I call it out!
That’s awesome! The first step is building an awareness of these habits!
I think i am guilty of being afraid of change, but lately i realized it is great and important not only to move on but to grow as a person. Thank you for this post, i will share it with my friends
xo
Orly
coffeebeansandhighheels.com
Thank you so much! I hope they can take something positive away from it as well!
love this girl! Such good tips, I agree on every single one of them.
xo,
Thank you so much Sarah!
this is such an inspiring post! definitely going to start working on holding myself back less!xx, kenz
http://sincerelykenz.com
Good to hear!
Brilliant tips, especially the one about being resistant to change. I used to be that person. It’s something I worked on and now I would say I welcome change and get bored easily if things stay too samey! #brillblogposts
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Yes! Change can bring so much excitement into our routine lives!
I am embracing two of the four and you are so right 2 are probably beating me up daily. Thanks for writing about this topic – makes me think about the way forward and how to break through. Mel xx
I am so happy you were able to take something away from this post! Thanks for commenting!❤️
It is so true that we are our own worst enemies! I am definitely one of those who puts my own flaws on the table to beat others to it! I never really noticed until I read this – I will definitely try and focus more on my good points. Thanks for sharing x
There really are so many parts of us that deserved to be celebrated…we just have to remember to acknowledge them!
LOVE this post. I often put too much pressure on myself to achieve unreasonable goals and this comes with a multitude of issues there after. Some great points to try and keep in mind when I do this! Thank you for sharing. #brilliantblogposts
I’m glad you could relate to this post! Thanks for stopping by!
[…] 4 Ways You’re Holding Yourself Back […]
I used to do most of the above but the past year has really been different. I’m much more confident & aware of what I want so much more willing to go for it #BrilliantBlogPosts
That’s so awesome! Always good when we are able to actively work towards bettering ourselves!
Excellent advice here. I’m a big believer in self care and being open to change so love your post.
Thanks for sharing at the #sundaysdownunder linky party. I’ve pinned your post and shared on Twitter.
Best wishes,
Natasha in Oz
Thank you Natasha!!
Yikes! I kinda feel like you looked through the window to my mind and found my self-destructive behaviour. You hit it right on, which makes me think that I am not alone in these behaviours. I have been working hard at leaving them behind and really appreciate a post about how to get past these things.
Most of them are better now, still having a hard time with #1 – I think a lot of people do sadly.
Thanks for posting this =)
Glad you could get something out of it!
So inspiring, thanks for linking up, please link back to my blog or add my badge http://www.honestmum.com
Great post, I am going to write your tips to ingrain them in my mind! I will also be mentioning this article in my series Article on Scroll this Tuesday!
Thank you so much Laurel! Can’t wait to see it!
Inspiring – I’m a bit of a worrier and I do think I need to stop. Thanks for the tips. 🙂 #BrilliantBlogPosts
Thank you for stopping by!!
Anxiety, is my biggest enemy. Thank you for the post, it reminds me that I just have to breath and take a deep breath sometimes. x
Glad you got something out of it! 🙂
I agree completely and my self-hate is overwhelming mixed with Anxiety. I just feel lost that I don’t know what or where to start. My yoga teacher was saying it all starts with you finding that little piece allowing self love where I was taught it was selfish that I did love myself.
Definitely something I struggle with too. I find that the more I try to actively tell myself that I am worthy, that I have value, and that I am worth loving…the more I am able to actively (but very slowly!) start believing it to be true.
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Thanks for sharing.
Perfection is boring in my opinion! Nothing better than being authentically YOU! Thanks for stopping by!
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