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Should You Share Your Goals or Keep Them to Yourself?

A discussion on whether goals should be shared or kept private. Does sharing your goals prematurely makes you less likely to follow through?

Bucket lists. New Year’s Resolutions. Vision boards on Pinterest. And even long Facebook statuses.

All commonly used avenues for sharing goals.

Goal sharing is motivating, aspirational, and gives you a sense of accountability for sticking to what you’ve set out to do. However, goal sharing (prematurely, or even at all sometimes) can actually be detrimental to accomplishing things.

I recently considered this idea and realized it’s even been present in my own life.

Should You Share Your Goals or Keep Them to Yourself?

Think About It

Have you ever shared a good in conversation with friends about wanting to complete a marathon? Learn how to speak a new language? Plan a trip to Europe? Or start doing more DIY projects?

These commonly come up in interactions with friends and family and they’re usually met with affirmations, well wishes, encouragement, and expressions of being impressed. Just saying you’re training for a marathon is enough to get all sorts of ‘wows’ and positive jeers without even having completed it yet. This can feel motivating and encouraging…BUT it also gives you a false sense of accomplishment, ego, and confidence without having met your goal yet. The fact is, running a marathon (just continuing with this example) isn’t done until the moment you step across the finish line. At that point, all your training, hard work, blood, sweat, and tears have come to fruition. You can officially call yourself a marathoner and feel that ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment from completing a goal you set for yourself.

If you plan on running a marathon but have not signed up yet, committed to a training plan, or really even considered all the time and effort that it will go into it, then by sharing that ‘you’re going to run a marathon‘ you may be filled with enough sense of achievement in that moment that you actually neglect to pursue that objective. This goes for ANY goal.

How many times have you started the year (or the week! or the day!) saying “this will be the year I finally do _____.” only to make tons of plans in your head, share them out loud, and then get too distracted by everyday life to even start working to achieve them?

Announcing your plans out loud satisfies that part of your self-identity just enough to keep you from actually moving forward with them. Actions and simply TALKING about actions have the same effect in our minds. You actually get a rush of endorphins! They both create messages of accomplishment and achievement…but the latter can prevent you from pursuing the actualization of those feelings in your brain.

Worse? It can even become slightly addicting! The more often you share, the more often your brain is getting that high of potential success. You feel like you’re victorious without having won yet. These seemingly positive, affirmative exchanges can actually feel as emotionally rewarding as achieving the goal itself. You start craving those feelings and seeking out ways to satisfy it. This leads to more sharing and less DOING overall. Soon, you find yourself being a person of ‘all talk‘ and ‘no action‘. A disingenuous shell of the person you’re trying to be.

Does sharing your goals keep you accountable?

In regard to the argument that sharing your goals with others keeps you motivated, keeps you accountable…consider this: 

Most people aren’t regularly checking up on your or keeping track of your progress. In fact, they probably would forget about your plans unless you actually ended up accomplishing them and then shared the outcome in the future. If you think sharing your goals creates a healthy amount of pressure for you to accomplish them, then NOT sharing creates even more. Keeping things close to the chest means you’ll only be letting yourself down if you don’t make it happen. In my opinion, the best accountability partner we can have in our lives is our own mind and conscience.

Sharing can even be negative if you let others opinions of your goals influence the way you go about achieving them or how you feel about them. Not everyone’s priorities and interests are the same, so something you are really excited about may seem pointless to someone else. In this case, the importance of your goal may seem minimized and less meaningful than it did initially. Other people’s negativity or apathy towards something important to you may even stop you from beginning the your journey.

It may seem unnatural to not share plans or goals with others, but try your best to refrain or at least delay. Yes, sharing can give you an emotional and physical high in the moment. But if you save that payoff for the time when you actually accomplish what you’ve set out to do, you’ll have lasting, physical experience to connect with and draw pride from whenever you want to. When your dreams, goals, and aspirations are realized…you’ll be rewarded openly. Whether it be by those that are there to witness it or the immense sense of self-satisfaction and personal pride that you’ll have for yourself!

Don’t share for the sake of boosting your ego, for the sake of ‘keeping up with the joneses’, for the sake of impressing the listener, or for conjuring fake victories for yourself. Instead, keep your plans private. Keep them personal. Keep them real.

If you do feel the need to share a goal (obviously there are some that are important to share like things that require collaboration with other people or where input from outside sources would be helpful), make sure you have the right mindset and right intention behind it. Make sure you feel strong enough in your commitment to actually pursue and accomplish it. Otherwise, you’re short-changing yourself of the opportunity to really get all you want out of life.

Should you share your goals or keep them to yourself?

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Do you share your goals publicly or keep them private?

Have you ever felt that ‘high’ or sense of satisfaction just from sharing a goal?

 
 
 
 
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76 responses to “Should You Share Your Goals or Keep Them to Yourself?”

  1. My life has a way of turning on me in this very way. I don’t like to share my goals until I’m in the process of them. I’ve noticed if I share too soon then life has a way of knocking me over and off course, so 8 times out of 10 I don’t make it. Without sharing my goals no one knows I didn’t achieve it but me.

    Reply

  2. I believe you make some great points in whether to share your goals or not I am with you that saying them out loud is a great way to get others to help The other side of things is if there is not faith or someone does not like your goal then it may not be wise to share as your attempt may be hindered

    Reply

  3. Are you a ‘resolutioner’?
    Hmm… Yes. And No. As I’ve gotten older I’ve seen just how unpredictable life is and how only God knows what path I will be on a year from now. I usually try to make shorter term goals and maybe, one long term goal.

    Do you share your goals publicly or keep them private?
    I used to go around bragging about my goals all the time. Well, I eventually figured out that that wasn’t a good idea. I think God has humbled me and slowed me down to actually examine my goals and wait for a good time to share when I REALLY know that a goal is right.

    Have you ever felt that ‘high’ or sense of satisfaction just from sharing a goal?
    Yes… 😀 That’s why I used to do it all the time, but I think I’ve actually realized how hard it is to accomplish a goal, so I’ve gotten quieter about sharing them publicly.

    Reply

  4. This post is so interesting to me since I am currently writing a post on action vs intention. I am definitely someone who keeps my personal goals more to myself. I share some of my goals as I go about my life- like training for races, etc. but it is usually in passing or just very brief. I like to hold myself accountable and I don’t really thrive on praise from other people I guess. Totally not a resolutioner- I feel like I am always a work in progress and don’t need a new year/month/week to make a change!

    Reply

    • Not a resolutioner either! There is always room for change and growth in my life, so I don’t feel the need to put all the pressure on during this time of year just for the sake of going with what everyone else is doing.

      Reply

  5. I see both sides of this “issue.” I’ll just follow with the marathon example because it works for me…
    I didn’t tell many people I was running my first marathon. Just my closest friends and immediate family. It was such (and always will be) a personal accomplishment that I won’t need the approval or validation from others. However, running took up a lot of my life for the 4 months of training and I wished I could have had support and encouragement during that time. Instead of excluding people (unintentionally) I wish I could have utilized the support I know they would have given me. So for my second marathon I DID tell a few more people and it was nice to have some camaraderie during the training.

    So to wrap up this long-winded comment, I understand both sides and think some people do better sharing because they are able to make the “goal” a more regular and natural part of their life.

    Reply

  7. This post definitely sparked my brain Kailia, very thought provoking. It’s so tempting to fall into the Must. Keep. Up. With. Jones’. mentality. But if you’re setting a goal, it should be for you. It’s something that sounds so self-explanatory but many of us do get lost in the why and lose sight of ourselves (or give in to pre-bragging). I’ll be keeping this in mind going into the new year for sure.

    Reply

  8. I have never been big on resolutions, but this year I have made some pretty big goals and talking about them is helping to stay motivated. 2016 is going to be awesome!

    Reply

  9. This may sound strange, but while I do share SOME goals, I don’t share ALL goals. I have noticed that some goals I don’t seem to accomplish once I’ve shared them with others, while other goals I seem more accountable because I shared them…almost like it depends more on the goal itself as to the best strategy.

    Reply

    • YES YES YES! I totally agree that we can benefit from sharing some…but others, it is important to keep them private. You just have to experiment and find what personally works for you in accomplishing what you set out to do.

      Reply

  10. Interesting perspective! I personally find myself “accountable” to others when I make an announcement like, “I’m going to finish this blanket before Christmas” or “I’m going to go for a walk 5 days a week this month” etc. Even if no one else cares, it helps ME to have a deadline. And, frankly, there have been times when I say I’m going to do something and end up NOT finishing it. I always have a good excuse though 😉

    Reply

  11. I’ve done “accountability posts” where I’ve said things like “I’m going to X at this time” on Facebook, with the idea that someone might ask me about how X went so I better do it so I don’t embarrass myself by saying that I didn’t wind up doing it. That generally works out okay. But yeah, in general I think it’s better to just go ahead and do something quietly and not make a fuss about it. At least until you have something to brag about. 🙂

    Reply

  13. I never do New Years Resolutions they are always goals and they can be done fast (dye my hair) or over time (keep a 3.0 GPA). Some of my goals are shared, it is proven that in some cases telling others makes you more accountable. But at the same time as you stated it can be just enough to say it and it never get done. So some of my goals I will share after I have done them, I feel that teaches me to be accountable to myself.

    Reply

  15. I do not set resolutions, but I do set smaller goals throughout the year. I blog about my goals monthly, but do not include all of them on my blog. While I know that my readers could care less whether or not I actually accomplish my goals, it motivates me to complete them. Because I now that I will have to report back the status.

    I tend do the opposite and don’t say my goals out loud unless I am pretty sure I am ready to give them a go.

    I sometimes feel it’s more helpful to focus trying to create new (and usually smaller) habits instead of big lofty goals.

    Reply

  16. Personally, either I tell myself I would like to be halfway there or so before sharing and then just keep putting it off in my head because there’s nothing to really hold me accountable. I know if I tell my husband he’ll bug me about it enough until I get it done!

    Reply

  17. I will admit in the past I was a “resolutioner” however these past few years I really haven’t set goals more like outcomes I want to happen by the end of the year. This year however I am not setting any resolutions what so ever. I hate the idea of setting a goal for myself and knowing there is a huge chance that I could fail, I definitely agree that not sharing is better than sharing. I would rather keep my “goals” to myself then boast about them and then never accomplish them. I really loved this post it definitely got me thinking about resolutions, goals, and ringing in the New Year the right way!

    XO

    Reply

  18. I actually like to share my goals and projects with everyone so I have support and motivation along the way. I feel like I won’t give up as easily if everyone knows I’m doing it!

    Reply

  19. I never gave that much thought, but yes, sharing a goal or an idea can be emotionally satisfying in a way that takes the impetus out of actually doing something. When I started training for a marathon, I didn’t really tell anyone right away. Not until I was sure that I had a good chance to get there. And I did. So this is good to consider before getting a false sense of accomplishment, but I also know that it helps to have someone keeping me accountable.

    Reply

    • Thanks Jennifer! Sharing definitely works for some people! I personally like to announce after the fact or a while into the process of getting the goal accomplished. 🙂

      Reply

  20. Very interesting insights on goals, Kaila! I know what you mean, and I know many people who seem to be addicted to setting and sharing goals… and then I never hear anything else, lol.

    Reply

  21. Well this post really got me thinking. I do tend to share my goals, but often choose who I share them with depending on the reaction I’m likely to get. Sometimes I want the encouragement of a simple, ‘good for you’, but sometimes I equally want someone to scoff and say ‘you’ll never do that’ as it will give me more motivation to prove them wrong! Different approaches have worked for me at different time and for different goals. I don’t achieve all of my goals, but I love setting them and planning out what I’m going to do. The important ones stick, and less important ones tend to fall by the wayside!

    This year I’ve set some goals and shared, and also have more secret ones I’ve kept to myself for now! (gosh that makes them sound more exciting.. hee hee!! 🙂

    Thanks for the thought provoking post!

    Reply

  23. I’m not much of a “resolutioner” but I do make goals. I mainly share them with people close to me, but not everyone 🙂 great post!

    Reply

  24. Hi Kaila, sound advice! I don’t share goals for the very reasons you’ve stated. In the past I have found myself doubting my own, personal goals because of other peoples reactions to them, not necessarily from anything they’ve said, but a look is often enough to put the dampers on things.

    This year I have set myself goals, but they are my goals for me to achieve and no one else need know about them.

    xx

    Reply

  26. Some wonderful advice. People always wonder why I don’t share my goals, this is why. Every time I have shared what I wanted to do I never seemed to accomplish any. I have learned to keep them to myself and just make it happen.

    Reply

  27. Kaila,

    You are spot on with this one. Looking back I think that I’ve done this a lot more than I’d like to admit. (Darn those endorphins anyway!) This is a great reminder to be true to yourself, and only you because in the end that’s all that matters.

    <3

    Reply

  29. I am not a resolution girl, I think they set me up for disappointment, and I love the way you look at it! I choose a word of the year, it helps me focus on how I can be a better person, not on things I didn’t accomplish!

    Reply

  39. I don’t usually set resolutions, however, this year I did set a couple. I was so gun ho on them, one was getting my barn fixed up and it was going well until the weather turned cold and limited what I could work on. That’s ok, I am getting other things done.
    I liked your post, some really great ideas to think about.
    Thanks for sharing at HIH party,
    Bev

    Reply

  44. Everyone has their different perspectives. Thus, I believe if the goals are shared, we certainly get both positive and negative affects. I think that we should be selective on person who will be told our objectives, like I will share my 30-day trip plan with a friend who is easy-going and love travelling rather than ones who is traditional and love the stability. 🙂
    – natalie

    Reply

  45. I like sharing because if I succeed people are inspired if I ‘fail” people can openly learn along with me! So it is a win-win! You’re either winning or growing and I think really they are both one in the same. 🙂 Great post with tons of insight!!

    Reply

  46. If I tell anyone of my goals, I’ll almost always fail. I usually encounter doubters, which then rubs off on any confidence or self-doubt that I already have. I trained for and ran a marathon with only my husband knowing… and that was only because of the long training and because he needed to watch the kids. I drove 8 hours by myself and ran a marathon on my birthday all by myself without a single person there to support me. It felt so stinkin’ good because it was all my doing. And when people asked my what I did for my birthday, well, I told them then.

    Reply

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