Ghosting isn’t just for romantic relationships. Friendship ghosting is a real thing and can hurt just as much as a boyfriend or girlfriend leaving you without word. This simple guide will help you deal with this type of situation and move on from it in a healthy way.
[note: since publishing this post originally there was closure in my personal situation and I harbor no ill will towards the situation referenced here]
When you think of ghosting you usually think of someone cutting off communication with you after chatting on a dating app or not texting you back after you’ve gone on a few dates. But believe it or not ghosting can happen in friendships to, and unfortunately it happened to me at one point.
I was hesitant to open up about this on the blog but I feel like my experience can help other people who have gone through this as well so I thought I’d share some steps I took to get over losing someone who I thought was one of my closest friends.
But first, for those of you who aren’t familiar with ghosting, here’s a simple definition…
What is Ghosting?
Ghosting is essentially when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating. They do this with zero warning or notice beforehand. They avoid your phone calls or texts, social media messages and posts, and even go as far as to avoid you in public.
This is essentially (or well…EXACTLY) what happened to me this a few years back and it was done to my by someone I considered as close as family.
In some regard, I think being ghosted by a friend can be even harder to deal with than a boyfriend, girlfriend, or love interest. Friends are supposed to be there for you no matter what, especially after you’ve gone through a lot with them, confided in them (and they in you), and made specific promises to each other to never walk out of each other’s life without explanation.
For weeks and months after the fact, I went over the whole situation in my mind and tried to come to some sort of conclusion as to why my friend did what they did. But in all honesty, I couldn’t figure it out and I don’t know if I ever will since they refused to have an adult conversation with me or even acknowledge my presence at all.
One of the hardest parts about being ghosted is that it comes without warning and typically as a surprise. This was definitely the case for me since I went from planning to meet up with my friend one day to the next day (and from then on) them ignoring me completely.
Personal Experiences with Ghosting
Some other people shared their experiences with being ghosted with me and I was amazed at how similar all of our stories were…
My best friend since I was 10 unfriended me for unknown reasons a few years ago. I reached out numerous times but she will not answer me nor tell me the reason why. | RS
I have experience with it in a platonic relationship. Someone who was supposed to be a very close friend just stopped messaging me one day. I tried because I know relationships are a two-way street, but to no avail. I find it extremely immature – if I did something, tell me. If you’re just too busy or moving in a different life direction, tell me. Don’t just disappear. | SZ
Even when you knew it wasn’t a good relationship and wasn’t bound to last, getting ghosted makes you feel like you need more answers. It almost makes you care more while you sit obsessing over what you did or didn’t do and how the other person could so quickly go to just completely ignoring you! | LA
I can so relate to all of these sentiments….especially the feeling of wanting ANSWERS. When the ghosting first happened, I was upset for many reasons. Sad, angry, and slightly depressed over losing what I considered a “good” and important relationship.
Now that I more removed from it all, I am no longer “mourning” the lost friend, but I still feel this need to have closure. I am the type of person that likes closure in any and all situations…good or bad. If I did something wrong, tell me. If there’s something going on with you that changes this between us, tell me. Whatever it is, I’d rather end thing as adults and with mutual respect for one another than being ignored like we are in kindergarten. But I realize this is a lot to ask of someone, especially if they are not as socially mature or empathetic as you are.
As I said at the beginning, the reason I am sharing all of this is because I’ve gone through ghosting and now on the other side of it I’ve been able to reflect on the steps it took for me to get through it and MOVE ON. If my experience can help even one other person do the same, then this post will have been worth it.
5 Steps To Moving On From Toxic Relationships
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Whether you were best friends for years or just started hanging out, you’re bound to upset, angry, sad, and probably confused. It doesn’t feel good to be ignored, avoided, or dumped, so everything you’re feeling is totally NORMAL and HUMAN. Don’t try to stuff down these emotions or put on a brave face. Give your self some grace, sympathy, and understanding.
Talk It Out
If you were ghosted by someone close to you, it may be hard to open up to others about what you’re experiencing, especially if the “ghoster” was the person you usually went to to vent. But as hard as it is, putting your thoughts and feelings into words to another person can change be extremely cathartic. When you share your experiences instead of holding them in and ruminating on them, you can begin to move out of the difficult rut that you’re in. Processing painful experiences is so much easier and more healing when done with someone else and not in your own mind. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to another friend or family member, consider seeing a therapist/counselor.
Prioritize Your Personal Wellness
When we are feeling down or upset about something, it can be hard to get motivated to engage in our typical healthy habits and to really take care of ourselves. But believe it or not, the basic tasks of eating well, getting good sleep, and moving your body is incredibly important to managing emotional and mental pain. Mind-body practices (yoga, meditation, etc.) are especially helpful in reducing the strain that sadness causes on out bodies and minds.
Try To See The Other Person’s POV
Even though ghosting someone is incredibly cruel and probably something you yourself would never do, it can be helpful to consider the other person’s (the ghoster’s) perspective. It can help you to move on if you acknowledge that the person who ghosted you thought that he or she was doing the right thing. It may have been mean and cowardly, but some people who have ghosted others may sincerely believe it was the easiest way to let the other person down. They may have thought that ghosting gets their message across without confrontation. (Definitely not saying this right or FAIR, but it can help you move forward to the consider the other person’s thinking process in making their decision.)
And finally….
Let It Go
Arguably the hardest, yet most important step; and definitely easier said than done. Whatever happened with you and your friend, or really in ANY negative situation in life, you’ll feel 10 times better once you stop dwelling on what was and start putting your energy towards your future. Using the mental space you were reserving for grieving the lost friendship for fostering REAL healthy relationships instead will help you move forward and fill the void your bad friend left. If anything, your experience being ghosted can help you learn that people don’t always show their true colors or only stay in friendships until they get what they want out of them. These types of “users” are not the people you would want to be friends with long term anyway. They are takers and any friendship that isn’t reciprocal is not a good one to be involved in. It’s perfectly normal to worry about being ghosted again in the future, but stressing over that possibility is not worth all the opportunities you’d miss for true friendships by not moving on.
Have you ever been ghosted or been the ghoster? Share your experience and perspectives in the comments!
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45 responses to “Ghosted By A Friend? 5 Steps To Moving On From Toxic Relationships”
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So, this was a term with which I was unfamiliar. Not with the actual act- just the term.
But, here’s another point of view. I ghosted someone. (Not in a romantic relationship.) Because his prejudices and racial animus was becoming more pronounced. I knew that I was not going to correct his behavior- it was clearly something that he had buried for decades, but now felt entitled to spew freely. So, I decided it was time to cut off all contact. Because his behavior and actions were repulsive to me- and because I refused to be tainted with his prejudice by association. (Others would assume I must agree with his tenets, if we spend that much time together.)
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Roy. I completely understand where you’re coming from in your specific situation.
Good article, though I had never heard of “ghosting” before. I learn something new everyday.
Thanks for reading, Trish!
Ugh, so so true! I’ve been there this year actually. A “friend” just removed me from all social media out of the blue. Again, I tried to see it their way but honestly , it wasn’t that great of a friendship to begin with. I’m okay with that and I’ve moved on. It hurt for sure but I’m better now.
Ghosting is a term I hadn’t heard before – but the concept is certainly familiar – I have had it happen to me once. Thanks for a great explanation of what Ghosting is – and how to get past it. 🙂
I am sorry you’ve gone through this as well. It’s terrible and no one should have to deal with it.
Omg this exact thing happened to me in April of 2016. I was so so completely blown away, never saw it coming, and was extremely hurt!!! But after several months, I was able to get over it. To this day I have NO IDEA why she did it, because I’ve never asked. I honestly don’t believe she’ll tell me the truth, so that’s why I didn’t bother to ask! It was literally like we were the best of friends one day, and the next – nothing! And come on, she’s GOT to know she did it to me! Doesn’t she sit there and wonder why I haven’t asked?? That’s so strange to me! She didn’t delete me off of her social media, and I didn’t delete her, but I hid her from seeing my stuff. I thought ok, if she is gonna pull this cruel stunt on me, she doesn’t deserve to see what is going on in my life anymore!!! She can hear it second hand! Even the posts she CAN see, she never likes them or acknowledges me in any way. So I’m like, whatever. She couldn’t have been that great of a friend to begin with!
I’m so sorry that you went through this too, Julie. It is really awful and no one deserves it. I am happy that you’ve been able to move past it though. Sending you love! <3
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I have been through a friendship where 1) I’m not sure it was a real friendship, 2) my awareness and expectations of who this person really was was entirely wrong, 3) I’m not sure if I did anything to bring about her rapid change in tone with me, and 4) I’m sure I was dealing with a person with one or more personality and mood disorders.
Let’s call this friend (or should I say “friend”?) Tara. Tara works with me in the same company. She’s a couple years older than me, now in her mid-40s, and has been in this company a couple more years as well, not a supervisor, more of a senior colleague. Tara was divorced/single when we met, and I am married.
Some background: Tara had married young, she married her husband when they were classmates in grad school, and then were classmates during an arduous 5-year training program, and then another year in practice working together until they had – what I heard to be – an ugly divorce (he had taken money from her, I heard). She never spoke much about him, occasionally mentioned she thought he was an alcoholic, but said they probably would have stayed together if they had had kids (they never did, she didn’t talk about that).
So she had been in her early thirties, divorced and single. She proceeded to go through several relationships, none lasting more than two years (one man she mentioned she had been “almost engaged” to, not sure what that means). She had also been through several jobs in the same field, with different companies.
At our company, she worked two floors above me for the first couple years after I joined. She was always friendly and cordial with me, I only saw her occasionally. But I began to hear that there was some rift between her and our other staff on her floor. I never heard what exactly had happened, but know Tara to sometimes be defensive, irritable, and territorial about her work – which she occasionally expressed in angry emails to the team!
The chiefs of the department had to switch her office for other purposes, so they transferred her downstairs to my floor, a quieter floor.
Our friendship started pretty quickly then. I had been one of the few coworkers who she had been casually friendly with even before she came downstairs and I felt sorry for her about how the others were treating her upstairs. Although I didn’t know the details about what happened up there, I felt that she was a good worker who was being unfairly maligned.
We hit it off quickly. Mornings and afternoons chatting in each others’ offices, lunch together in the team breakroom, went to conferences together, walks to the company store together. We began emailing and texting quite frequently. Text conversations almost every day. Book and movie ideas, political discussions, you name it, fun chats. Her mother passed away and I spent several long phone conversations with Tara, although she later told me she generally did not like to talk on the phone. Tara describes herself as an introvert, she certainly is, and when she had her door closed and needed to just get her work done on her own, alone, I let her be. Some days she wouldn’t show up to work and I’d text to see if she was ok, she’d tell me she was having “a really bad time” and just needed to be alone.
We saw each other at concerts, where she hung out at intermission with me and my wife. Went to a few company excursions with her, she was friendly with my wife too.
Occasionally, I now realize more clearly, she didn’t treat me as a friend, though. Couple times going out with others from work, she drove me to the venue, and then just left me there without a ride at the end of the evening (once some boyfriend she was all nuts about came and took her away from our group, once she said she just needed to leave, and left me standing there alone in the parking lot calling Uber!). I asked her a couple times if she wanted to join me and my wife for dinner before a concert, and she always said she “didn’t want to be a third wheel.” When my wife and I went on a double-date with her and her then-boyfriend (later fiancee), to a festival (an excessively PDA-filled showing on their part), they just suddenly declared in the middle of the day they were leaving since he didn’t feel well. Another time we went on another double-date with them to dinner and a concert, at the end of the music, they just left without staying a minute to say goodnight. Except for one evening when I invited her (single at the time) to join me and my wife and my parents for a Christmas garden festival and nice dinner, I realize now she never wanted to go out with us unless it was to serve as a double-date for her and a guy! She never invited me out or over to her house.
She shared with me here and there some relatively private details about her life and family (although I now realize she left a lot of details about prior work and relationship life to herself). I used to ask about how she was doing all the time. I really felt more and more that I cared about her. In a purely platonic way, I’m happily married! But I cared and felt sorry for hardships she was going through and wanted (and offered) to help in any way I could.
One notable time I offered her advice I now realize may have been a major mistake. Thing is with Tara, she is very self-assured and confident that whatever she is doing is the right and smart thing to do, no matter what common wisdom says. She had embarked on her newest relationship and after only a few weeks of dating, he had moved into her house, she was planning to buy a baby grand piano to convert her home office into a music room for him, they went ring shopping, and she was planning on quitting her job and moving with him across the country in about a year to live closer to his parents. I only suggested to her that this relationship was moving very fast and she should keep her head on her shoulders – if she was sure it was the right thing, fine, but I was just hoping she wasn’t making rash decisions. (of note, I have kind of made the “instant relationship” mistake myself, and it didn’t turn out well!!). She became quiet – noticeably perturbed at my suggestion to merely think carefully about what she was doing – and tersely told me she had been through many relationships and could easily see that she had found the right man. After just over a month of dating, she knew everything that was bad about him and could live with those things.
On the other hand, I told her about some private health issues I had. And a few months into our “friendship” my wife had a baby, my new son. And she never once asked me about how those things were going, about how I was doing or the baby or my postpartum wife! Not once!
It’s remarkable to think now, but in the months before my son was born, I asked her (at first casually, then with a heartfelt written letter) if she wanted to be the Godmother to my son. She said yes, she was honored.
The major rift happened about a week before my son was born. She had been dating a guy for about 2.5 months and was very content and excited to be in a relationship (the same boyfriend from the double-dates I mentioned). On Monday she was friendly, joking around with me, had a nice chat and walked to the store with me ….
Tuesday morning … not a word. No good morning, no nothing. She shut her office door all morning, seemed very angry when I saw her come out of office in afternoon, I tried to talk to her and she abruptly and rudely cut me off in mid-sentence, closed her door in my face. And she remained like that the next week until I had to leave work for the birth.
I texted her a few times, I was concerned about her very sudden change in behavior. After my son was born, she never texted back. I was reading about depression and noticed her symptoms seemed to match almost entirely (at least from an external view). She finally wrote me a text saying she was overwhelmed and needed some space. Although she said she knew I was trying to be a good friend to her, my periodic checks on how she was doing were increasing her stress, she needed space. I understood. I sent her an emoticon text every week or so to let her know I was there if she needed to talk, but I otherwise kept silent and gave her space all that time.
When I got back to work a few weeks later, I found out from another coworker that after a couple weeks when she was very upset, people had thought she and the new guy had broken up, she came in one morning to announce they were engaged. Other than flashing the ring at me with a smirk over her shoulder, she never mentioned it to me.
Continued silence from her. A few weeks later I wrote to her, congratulated her again, but said I hoped we could clear the air between us. I said I had valued our friendship, and hoped we could resume more cordial interactions, if only for workplace harmony. She eventually replied, again stating that she was an introvert and my interactions with her were making coming to work difficult. My “constant need for attention from her” were “very draining.”
Brief list of possible reasons for all this:
1- self-centered, borderline/narcissistic personality disorder(s)
2 – insecurity/desperation being single for so long
3 – involuntary/circumstantial childlessness
4 – jealous/controlling boyfriend/fiance
I’m curious your thoughts on this painful/confusing situation.
Thanks!
First off, thank you for sharing all of this with me Rick! It’s nice to know that I am not alone in going through this and I am SO sorry you experienced the same thing.
Having been through it myself and since having talked to the person this post is referring to, I can say that all the reasons you listed are SPOT ON. For me, my friend was going to through a tough time at the same time I was and she felt that she couldn’t support me while she was also struggling. She also tends to isolate and turn into herself when she’s struggling so in hindsight it makes sense that she ghosted. However, like you, I would SO have appreciated just a little bit of communication from her so that I knew what was going on and WHY instead of being left in the dark.
I can’t really offer much advice, but I can say that everything happens for a reason. I now look back on that friendship and see how toxic it was. I am in such a better place now having moved on from the relationship. And although it still hurts because we were close, shared personal things, and had a real connection, I know in the end it was all for the best and great learning lesson.
I hope you’re able to get through this tough time. Just turn to those around you that you can depend on fully. 🙂
I was ghosted a few years ago by a relative of all things and it hurt deeply as well as made no sense to me. Admittedly they rarely replied to texts claiming they were too busy yet would reply via FB so that’s how we stayed in touch. I confided something personal to them but things seemed fine for over a year. I didn’t talk to them incessantly as we weren’t that close, though I would have liked to have been, but I at the very least contacted them on holidays. One day out of the blue I noticed their account was gone. I later learned their number had also been changed and over a year later learned they had created a new profile under a fictional name where they’d added back many people including other relatives yet never added me. I tried contacting them via text using their new number I received from a relative but i was too wimpy to actual call them. I never received a reply and eventually they renamed their account with their real name only to reject my friend request with no explanation. I finally decided it wasn’t worth the drama to remain in contact with them and later when I saw them in person they acted like everything was fine so I did the same.
I vowed to neveer ghost anyone after how I felt…and recently I broke my vow. My “friends” began to unofficially ghost me a while back by never contacting me, never sharing details of their lives, etc. They didn’t block me nor unfriend me yet it felt like the same thing. Once in a blue moon they’d contact me out of nowhere yet this became very uncommon. Finally I decided our relationship was toxic and felt I shouldn’t be friends with them yet couldn’t confront them. Already feeling like I had been ghosted and self-labeled as a convenience friend I removed them from all social media. I didn’t block them in any way so they can still contact me and I doubt they’ll even notice I unfollowed/unfriended them. I still feel guilty but I don’t think in this case I have any reason to.
I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, Robert. I hope this post helped a bit and made you feel a little less alone. Ghosting can happen to anyone…and it does!
I’m going through this right now. My best friend of 15 years is ghosting me. Our lives have been diverging for awhile now. For years we had a fairly co-dependent friendship. I usually played the helper and the support system. A couple years ago, I started to put down boundaries for myself and to pursue my own interests. I also have been pretty successful career wise whereas she has flounderd. A few months ago my boyfriend and I invited her out to lunch while we were in town. My boyfriend and I were both relaxed and visibly happy after what had been an incredibly difficult year. At the end of the day I could tell something had shifted. Afterwards she stopped returning texts, phone calls, invitations or emails. She called once to collect on a debt that we had agreed would be repaid in November. I happily paid the full amount not thinking much of it. Then, she stiffed me on a phone bill and abruptly removed herself from the plan without any notification. The whole thing sucked. First, because I was worried something had happened to her, and then because I realized she had just decided to offload me and my family. This is a women who lived in my mother’s house and was essentially a part of the family. Her actions were immature and cruel, but I suspect it had more to do with her unresolved internal issues than anything else.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. It is incredibly painful when a close friend does this, but know you are not alone in experiencing it. Sending you lots of love!
This comment is to Rick. I’m seeing you as a very caring sweet friend who was screwed over by a narcissist. I’m being ghosted by my close friend he was my husbands best friend my husband passed he was in my husbands estate. I supported him felt like he was family he ghosted me. Like I never existed I’m hurt but getting over it quickly and finding my self no longer interested in anything with him. Congratulations on new baby and glad you are in a happy family. I feel your pain we all could use friends like you god bless you and your wife and baby Nancy
I’ve been the ghoster and ghosted. The ghoster to guys on dating sites cause Im not in the mood to argue with them on confrontation since essentially they are strangers and if I feel like I wont get along w them, I ghost. I ghosted some people who have ignored my texts…a friend that 2 months later bitched me out for it even though she has fingers to text back and if someone ignores me I will just simply stop texting. She messaged me on fb and i told her i stopped texting because I was being ignored and I got tired of talking to myself. But the worst type of ghosting Ive received was being ghosted in the middle of a relationship which is just downright rude but thats how people behave these days and in all honesty, Id rather them just ghost me anyway.
It can be hard being on either side of the equation, but I think it definitely helps us empathize with the person in the opposite position as well.
This article just helped me TONS. I met a really nice woman through a moms group, and we have been hanging out for maybe a year before COVID hit. Our kids were great playmates, and she and I got along great. I felt very comfortable around her and she was super nice to me.
Recently, out of the blue, she just ghosted me. Our last conversation was via text and it was so odd. She said she was moving (which was confirmed by another mom) but she never told me. She said she was “making new friends” but was glad she knew me, and I was one of the nicest people she ever met, and valued our friendship. Then about three days ago, her social media accounts were back up but I was blocked. I texted her several times and she had never responded.
All I could figure is that whenever we spoke, she was itching to go out during the pandemic (when it was safe mind you, she is a good mom) but I refused because I just didn’t agree with it. I have two immune compromised people in my house with COPD and heart conditions that I didn’t want to risk bring a virus home to.
I felt like she could have been more straight forward with me and we could have been friends still, because I was never trying to hold her back or be negative. It hurt, and still does that she is not speaking to me. We may never speak again, but reading this makes me realize that confrontation or holding a grudge isn’t the best thing to do.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It really does stink to not have closure either, but the best thing we can do is just move on and remember that those people weren’t really meant to be in our lives if they treated us like that. Sending you love!!
Just had my first experience being ghosted by someone I thought was a good friend. I’m so sorry that this happens to anyone. It’s hurtful, immature, and unkind. I’m pretty sure I was ghosted due to us disagreeing on masking wearing. But since I’m being totally ignored I guess I’ll never know… no fun!
It really is awful!! I am so sorry it happened to you. Sending you a virtual hug and wishing you the best in future friendships!
Thank you for sharing this post. I found it on the Pin Junkie Pin Party. I am currently going through something similar and even though I am past the painful part, I too would like closure. But also accepting that I will never get it. Thanks for your insight.
Thank you so much for stopping by Donna!!
Thanks for your article!
I want to tell me ghosting story. Part of me feelings bad for having “ghosted” this “friend” who “ghosted” me too for some time before. It’s like a part of me says it was the best for my soul and mind and the other says I should had try to close that relationship better.
This friend is not from my country, we were internet friends for years, we talk about lots of things…. He was really nice, always sending me stuff he knows I like,etc- We even had sent presents to each other. . So last year he decided to visit my country, I was happy because I have many friends around the planet, I have met some of them and they have been so kind and cool,. I have never had a problem with people I’ve met on internet . So I decided to travel with him, We planned a travel , together and as his is my country I planned almost everything and He was welcomed at my home as part of my family. I live with my family and He was really welcome for them all and We gave him a room for his days here.
I never do nice for people because I want something back, I do them because I like see people happy and confortable. I never wait for them to be awesome, but at least I want some respect. He was awful to me in many parts of travel and have a inconstant mood. Zero empathy… I hurt my feet in a trekking and he let me alone and walked
really really fast…and We previously had agremment to both use my camera because He forgot his own, so He was using mine and despite of it and my problem He didn’t care. .. in the rest of walks We had to do he had the same behaivor… leaving me behind and rushing me…( It is supossed that if you go for a walk in nature is for be calm and enjoy is not a marathon) .he never asked me how I was feeling, never. I don’t like to play the victim, but I feel really sad and alone while I saw many people walking in groups with their friends, and I was alone in the middle of the mountains, even some people I don’t know asked me how I was.
In my case I tried to do the best to be a good host. I translated everything to him, I suggested the best restaurants and places, I helped him when He had altitude sickness,etc. Sometimes He also was rude when we were talking and he even say stuff that was classist about my country.
Months later He apologyzed and say he was bad to me because of he have been feeling worried because of his job and that stuff, and He also said that here he thought I was too slow walking and that my shoes were not especial ( what is no true),etc… I know that were no a real apology, but as I always have run away from people who has been bad to me I accepted them and I said to him let’s talk about the nice things of the travel, when we were talking I said him that I was glad he finally told his problems because I didn’t understand why his behaivor was like that and… what he did? dissappear and say nothing to me for a month ( but he was healthy because He was using IG a lot) I was feeling really bad asking myself what I did wrong?. And then when He was back his 1st mensagge was “Sorry for my late answer I am like this with everybody” and I didn’t want to answer, but weeks later as He was writing again I said to myself: I am going to be mature, I am not like him ..I will stop this in a good way. So I told him about what I felt and I said to him that his behaivor is not ok, is not ok to do that to others and as I am so silly and it is difficult to me cut off toxic people and I said to him that for me It was better no to talk abot the subject. We told as We used to do for some days…. this was in march of this year. We were talking about his pictures, covid and music. Conversatioon was normal and he let me talking alone again and after many days ( just ignoring me because He was active in social media) He answered me without even say ” Hi.How are you?” I So I “ghosted” him. I don’t know if I did right or no. But I felt that friendship was dead long ago. He has written me again a couple of times, but I don’t have the will to answer. I had already told him how bad his behaivor made me felt, so why explain myself again?. Sorry for write too long, but is a weight I still had inside. It was really sad to me, I felt like this “friend” has only used me all this time because He needed someone to listen/read to him. It’s impossible to keep in touch with someone who acts like that. He didn’t even send me the pictures he took of me. I should have seen this coming because before He came he was like taking days to answer to me when we were planing stuff.But I didn’t get mad because I know sometimes people is busy..I didn’t seen it as a signal of a inconstant person.
My mom and some friends said it’s the best thing I could do about that.
Thank you for sharing your story. Sending you love! <3
I can relate to Chelsea M post. I had made a mom friend that I really enjoyed and we got along well. She has been recently pulling away. We are very strict with COVID. That might be a factor. I just sent a friendly text that was met with a short reply. I will let it drop. No need to chase and beg someone. Unfortunately I try not to get to attached to potential friends so it won’t hurt when they ghost or reject me 🙁
Wow this is just so weird people do this, I could never imagine ‘communicating’ like that.
Its happened to me for the third time now by the same ‘friend’. from sending casual messages in the morning to not speaking or saying hello anymore in the afternoon. We go to the same gym so its difficult to behave normal for me, I would rather just leave and find another gym but I’m happy there.
And I know its not going to be allright anymore, this is the third or 4th time and the person usually acts like nothing had happened after a few days/ weeks as if I’m the one exagerating. So this time I’m not going to reach back our, asking what I did wrong as I have no idea or trying to understand the difficult times she must be going through privately which I am sure is the case. If I am honest this is just a very selfish person and always been, I have enough good friends and know for sure this isnt me as people know me as caring and very understanding towards others.
So its done, too bad but I just dont like the fact there we’re still bumping into each other and follow the same group classes..
My friend started dating a guy who was very controlling. Even she saw it after a while, and they broke up. Then he ‘mistakenly’ pocket dialed her, they ended up going to a church service together, and then went for a walk after. She saw a religious pamphlet on the ground & they took it as a ‘sign’ to try to mend things. (Eye roll). They went to counselling & he was so irritating that the counsellor actually yelled at him! My friend decided to take him back, and then had to spend all her free time with him so they could ‘work on the relationship’. Then it got weirder…..he HAD to go everywhere with her. She went to a craft project at the library with another gal pal, but he went too, as he wanted to try the craft, but he went separately. Like he was spying on them or keeping tabs on her or something. And if a woman friend invited her somewhere for a “girl’s night”, he just happened to come along, too, when he wasn’t invited. So, still very controlling. I let her know she should do what works for her, but I had no interest in hanging out with this guy for the time being as I thought he was still being emotionally abusive. She was fine with that…for about 3 weeks. Then she started whining about how I had to respect her being with her “partner” (barf), and her decisions etc. I repeated that my boundary was, I didn’t want to deal with him “for now”, until it looked like he had maybe really changed, and that I can disagree with her decisions in theory, & we don’t even have to talk about it unless she wants to, etc. I respect her right to make her own choices; they just don’t have to involve me, necessarily. And then she ghosted me. We are still on each other’s social media, but she doesn’t reach out at all. If a mutual friend is hosting a group event, they don’t show if they think I’ll be there, and honestly – that’s great with me, because it’s been a few years now, & I still think he’s manipulating her, in ways that are financial, emotional etc. This dude’s over 40, and she is not far behind – she wants to get married, and he is still stringing her along….they don’t live together, they’re not engaged etc., because he keeps setting these ‘goals’ she has to meet – keep her place cleaner, save X amt of money, etc. Like he’s her dad or something….very creepy. I know some of her family, and we have mutual friends, and they all think the same thing, that this guy’s a manipulative loser, but she basically either ghosts people or loses her sh*t on them if they express any concern at all, so no one bothers anymore, apparently. Really sad & pathetic stuff. I miss hanging out with her, but I’m not holding my breath hoping she’ll re-connect, or compromising my own principles, either. Sometimes you just have to shrug & wish people the best, and hope they wake up & make better decisions, and if the better decisions mean they still don’t re-connect….oh well…
Great article! I am going through a friendship break up right now. Someone I saw as my best friend, who I still have all my classes with (I’m 18 years old), ghosted me. She was ill and did not go to school for a week. When she came back, she wouldn’t look at me and ignored me during the whole day. I was really confused, because the week before we were just fine. The day after, I asked her if I could sit next to her. She looked at me and said “If you want to…”, but I could tell she really did not want me to sit there. I decided to sit alone and hoped she would tell me what was going on at lunch break.
This was 4 months ago. I still think about what went wrong. I really don’t know what I have done wrong. I just don’t understand how she could ghost me, because she knows me, I’m not someone who gets mad when confronted with anything and I am always working on myself to become a better person.
It’s really hard for me to get over this, because I see her every day. She is more social than me and hearing her laugh with others makes me so sad. I feel like I did something wrong and she is better off without me. The problem is, I have no idea what that could be, so I can not fix my behavior and I am afraid my other friends will leave me too because of it. I also dream about her telling me she’s sorry for ghosting me frequently.
I just don’t seem to get over this and I am sure it’s because I see her every day. Articles like this one help a lot, but it’s difficult to move on in this situation. If anyone has had an experience like this one, I would love to hear about it and about some coping strategies.
Thank you!
I am so sorry this happened to you. It can be incredibly difficult to deal with. I encourage you to read through the other comments here. You are NOT alone. So many people here have gone through something similar and come out stronger on the other side!!
Just had this happen to me as well by an old best friend that i had not seen in 20+ years. I got his number and re-connected. We text every day, multiple times, talked on the phone and vented life’s issues back and forth for months.. He even told me he considered me one of his very best friends. We made a plan to see one another, strictly platonic – and I felt really insecure because I look older and gained weight (I showed him pics and told him I was super insecure about it) not that I look awful but still. Anyway, we met up and spent a few hours together just chatting. Everything seemed normal. After that day, he got weird. His texts started coming less often and he stopped replying to mine like he used to. I asked what was going on and told him he could tell me but he just kept saying he was really busy. Finally, he completely stopped texting me back and completely ignored me. I sent 2 messages that went unanswered and I will never message him again. I am extremely hurt and feel almost like I am mourning. It is so depressing, not knowing what went wrong, losing a friend i had thought about for so many years. Not knowing if he was so shallow he judged my looks or if I was just annoying or something to him. I really thought we were such good friends and i cherished his friendship so much. Now I feel super dumb opening myself up like that and confiding in a person that i guess i really didn’t even know. I think what he did was really mean and he knew very well it would hurt me.
I am so sorry you experienced this. Ghosting is so hard to go through because the “not knowing” is what’s so crushing. Just know that this person was not meant to come back into your life. Things and people that are ‘for you’ in life won’t jeopardize losing you for anything. Sending you love.
I’ve been ghosted by a friend recently, and I feel like it’s really been messing me up. We’ve both been going through it because of quarantine, but we’d go on weekly walks outside to make up for lost time. Near the end our conversations became very tense, and I didn’t enjoy the pointless discussions we were having. After our last walk i tried to tell her how I felt uncomfortable about it, but after initially responding she soon stopped altogether. I’ve tried reaching out to her before, saying that I’m sorry if I said anything wrong, and that I wanted to make up, and that her prolonged silence hurt my feelings. She never responded to that either. Right now I’m really struggling with it, because we’d talk almost every day. It’s just sent me on a downward spiral of guilt because I don’t know why she’d ghost me just for expressing my discomfort.
Thank you for providing a place in the comments to talk about this. The whole situation’s left me feeling terrible.
I can totally relate to this, Suzy! It really is horrible to go through something like this and to also feel like things are left so unresolved. Sending you love!!
I just got ghosted by the person that I liked. I am very confused and sad because I was trying to get close to them so I could confess, but they just didn’t respond one day, and it continued like that. Its upsetting that I was getting so close to feeling close enough to tell them, then being totally left.
So sorry this happened to you, CJ! It can be incredibly hurtful. Hoping you’re able to heal from this experience and find someone who values you.
I first just have to say “Thank You!!.” It’s been over 10 years since my ghost last wished me Happy 23rd Birthday. I wish I knew at the time it was the last time I’d ever hear from him. Long story short, we were besties for 8 years at that point and at the end he ghosted me as a result of his wife’s wishes. And that’s fine. Two years ago, we passed each other in the Lansing Mall and he is a woman now. I wish I could express to her how proud I am of her. How I envy that confidence and how I so badly wish she could have shared that part of her life with me. Some nights I am so convinced that if I send her a song link from our past, our relationship will be re-kindled and all will be well. It’s not my place. She decided to end our relationship for her own reasons and I’m okay with that most days. Some are harder than others. I still wish she would reach out but here we are. Your experience makes it easier to understand all of this. Thanks again <3
So welcome, Arat!! I am so sorry you had to experience this.
I can completely relate to all of these messages here! Thank you for the blog and your posts as I work to get over the double whammy! I got ghosted by a best friend that was like a sister to me. (My kids even referred to her as auntie ____) and being ghosted by a work peer that I helped out significantly! The best friend just completely stopped answering calls and texts. When a mutual friend passed away – I messaged her through LinkedIn even going so far as to state that I am not sure why we are not talking. What I got back was “I hope you and your family are doing well.” I was heartbroken again.
The work person is 25 years younger than me but she left my territory as my business partner assuring me that we would remain good friends and continue to talk all the time. Sadly, I ended up in a stressful work situation and each time I called to ask for her help she was conveniently in a meeting. Apparently those meetings went for weeks at a time because she never called. That is, until she needed something from me. By that time, I was so beyond hurt that I told her I couldn’t help her because I was on vacation and out of the country. I then suggested she contact our old manager whom neither of us liked. We haven’t spoken since.
Both of these “ghosters ” were people that I went to great lengths to support and help both personally and professionally. It has made me question myself and my ability to select the right friends. I literally have decided to not have friends like that again because the pain has been deep and long. It’s history that seems to repeat itself with me where I will die on the sword for people and don’t get back what I invest. My husband tells me that my expectations are to high. I also know they say you can count your true friends in one hand. I don’t have even 1 finger up when talking about it.
The article helped because I can truly say I tried one last time to be the more mature person by reaching out to one of the ghosters and even giving her an opportunity to tell me why I am horrible and don’t deserve to have communication but for nothing. The work person sadly I heard from another long standing friend that she does this to everybody that she no longer needs. I guess I am not needed anymore. What I need to do, the lesson I am taking from this is I don’t need people like this in my life and around my kids. The question is, how do you spot these “ghosters” so you don’t have to have history repeat itself or is there some way to spot them so you can protect yourself from heartbreak again?
I think this happens to so many people. My best friend ghosted me about 5 years ago. It was really painful, and also so bizarre because she was a marriage & family counselor and I just assumed they’d frown upon doing that sort of thing to another human being. Anyway, I spent several years driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I did to cause our friendship of 25 years to dissolve. It’s tough not to get closure, but I think I’ve almost made peace with it. it’s been hard because it feels like I’m mourning someone’s death. I have to hear about her every once in a while because we have a close mutual friend between us, so if I feel myself starting to dwell in a dark place about the situation, I just remind myself to always “Go where you’re wanted.” It helps me. Much love to those who’ve been ghosted. What can I say? It sucks big time.
Thanks, Kaila, for this post! It’s been helpful!
I am so happy to hear that, Krissy! I’m sorry you’ve experienced something similar.
what if that person who gost me text me back or come to my house like nothing happen what should i do