Over the past few weeks I’ve alluded to some big changes going on with my family and I. I’ve kept things private for the most part as it’s taken us all sometime to adjust…and to be honest we still are. Here’s the story…
My mom has been taking care of my great uncle for the past 7 years or so. Going to his house a few days a week, grocery shopping for him, managing his medications (she’s a nurse), taking him to appointments, cleaning him up, and generally watching out for his health. This past year or two his health has started to decline and my mom has taken on an even bigger role in his life.
Quick side note…MY MOM IS AN ANGEL. Not only has she helped people throughout her entire nursing career, but she never ceases to amaze me on how far above and beyond she is willing to go for her family. She had no obligation to take on this responsibility, yet she stepped up when no one else would. I have never met someone as giving, self-sacrificing, or compassionate as she is. The things she’s had to deal with over the years would test even the strongest of spirits.
After a recent hospitalization, it was determined my uncle would no longer be able to live on his own (he lives about 40 minutes away from us). He had to go to a rehabilitation center to regain strength after his hospital stay and in that time my mom had to decide what to do with him. Pretty much his only options were to go into a nursing home or come live with us.
My mom didn’t even consider the other option. My uncle has become like a father-figure to her, he’s a veteran, and he’s made an impact on so many people’s lives…he deserves a good quality of life right up until the end. A nursing home is no place for that.
So with that, we started preparing as a family to have a new member in our household. Medical equipment was brought in, chair lifts were installed, caretakers were hired to help out with his care, and my mom even resigned from her job so she could really dedicate herself to my uncle’s needs.
Needless to say things have been different. But not in the way I expected.
I was of course on board for whatever my mom decided, but I have to admit I was a little nervous about this big life change. I don’t handle change well and when I get into my routine it can be hard to mix things up or have a new factor added into the situation. I knew I had to put the good of my family before my own needs though, so I’ve tried to be as positive and helpful as I can.
In all honesty, I’ve loved having my uncle around. Yes, there are more wake-ups during the night. Yes, we have to do more cleaning and things take longer to get done. Yes, we have to put plans on hold. But the good things that have come with having a fuller house have out shadowed all the negatives.
My uncle is a riot. His one liners and funny stories are hilarious. He’s always pleasant and so grateful for everything we do for him. Even the smallest things he appreciates more than the average person. He’s good company. You can find him reading the paper most hours of the day and he’s declared himself a ‘kitchen man’…which I enjoy because that’s where I do most of my work. Dinner’s are more family oriented and having him here makes it so we actually get to sit down together every night.
His dementia causes him to forget things and ask the same questions again and again, but I find it endearing and I always like explaining things that he may not understand. He often asks me questions about my studies or about technology and it’s fun exposing him to things he’s never heard of before. And don’t get me started on watching TV with him! SNL when Miley Cyrus hosted was especially entertaining! His comments and remarks always give me a chuckle.
When I wake up in the morning I look forward to saying good morning to him and seeing his face light up from daily human interaction that he hasn’t had in years. He’s lived alone for his entire life and now that he’s with us I can really see him thriving. In fact, I think he’s doing better than he’s done in years.
He’s smart too. He remembers a lot of history and has a great awareness of what’s going on in the world. He’s up to date on things like politics, has opinions on all sorts of topics, and is never afraid to speak his mind!
My uncle is also one of the most complimentary men I’ve ever met. And his compliments are the kind that really sink in. He’s a no BS guy, so you know when he says something he means it. I appreciate his candor.
For the past few years, I have isolated more than I would have liked, but having this new member in our house has really brought me out of my shell in ways I am really enjoying. It’s so nice to always have people around, always hear people chatting, and always knowing that I can help out in someway.
Yes, there are good days and bad days. But overall, I am loving this experience and I am incredibly happy that my family has decided….no, had the fortunate opportunity to help a relative in need.
So this is for you, Uncle Tom. Thank you for your presence in my life!
This new situation with my family has gotten me thinking a lot about helping others and giving back. You already know I’m passionate about it (see the Lend a {Healthy} Hand Project….update on it coming soon!), but every once in a while we all need a little reminder to consider others before ourselves. Even though this gesture on our part really only affects my immediate family, I think it sharing it publicly can hopefully inspire people to do a little more helping in their own lives. It’s something I definitely strive to do in some capacity everyday.
If you’re at a loss for you can make a difference (even in a small way), I wanted to share with you the Chain of Betters project that Western Union has created. Their whole goal is to empower people to change the lives of others through donations, good deeds, and movement of capital around the world. It’s not just about the amount of money though, it’s about creating opportunities for people to really come together and make a difference. Small donations from their customers change the lives of others around the globe. Families lives are improved, businesses thrive, and whole economies begin to flourish when we work together to take care of others. We are a GLOBAL COMMUNITY after all…and we have the responsibility to watch out for our fellow beings.
Want more information on how you can get involved with Chain of Betters? Check out this awesome video!
No questions for today….but feel free to share any thoughts or experiences that this post brings up for you in the comments! <3
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37 responses to “Full House, Full Heart”
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I love this personal story, Kaila. I’m happy to hear you’ve all grown to enjoy your uncle’s presence in your house now that he’s moved in. I actually started working for SeniorAdvisor.com in August this year in Austin, TX and the primary reason I was hired was to run a website called VeteranAid.org. You mentioned your uncle is a veteran, so it came to mind for me! In my work, I’m helping to market this website to get the word out there about the Aid and Attendance benefit for veterans and their spouses. It helps veterans afford care (like assisted living homes, nursing homes, in-home care, etc.).
I have been working with many people in my job since I started getting the handle on this website and the people I help–their families and their loved ones–makes the job very rewarding. Those who I know this website helps get them the care they need by letting them know how to apply for this aid and attendance benefit.
Hugs to you and thank your uncle for his service!
That job sounds incredible! I love the idea of working with veterans! They are so deserving of any and all help they can get. They’ve done so much for our country.
I work in hospice. Enjoy every messy minute. How nice to capture it writing. 🙂
I think working for Hospice must be one of the most challenging yet, gratifying jobs on the planet. I really give you a lot of credit for taking that on. 🙂
Oh, I love this so much. Seeing the pictures of your family is wonderful. It is so heartwarming – I just love it. It can be so hard to be a caretaker and reminding yourself of the good things is a great way to stay positive. I lived with my grandmother for 5 years before she passed away and at times, I could really get caught up in the “burden” of caring for her instead of using it as an opportunity to get to know her better. I had such a mix of emotions, it was hard to make sense of it all. I felt really grateful at times, and we had some really good talks, but there were also times I cried myself to sleep. I hope you and your mother are both doing things to be able to have a little bit of “you” time and to relax once in a while. Take good care of yourself! <3
Thank you Mandy! This is definitely drawing us all closer together and teaching us about the important things in life.
This makes me so happy to read this. I really often feel like the elderly have been neglected in many of our lives, sometimes not by choice, just by virtue of people becoming busy, but this really really made me smile. Thank you soooo much for sharing Kaila, and that comes from the bottom of my heart girl. <33 Please feel free to share about your uncle whenever you want!
Thank you so much Emily! I am so happy to hear you don’t mind hearing more about my family! I love sharing about them.
Wow Kaila, what a huge change and what a beautiful positive attitude you have! I am so so happy that it has turned out better for everyone than you even expected 🙂 I have had two grandparents who need/needed full time care, and just visiting them has given me a glimpse into just how much time and attention it takes to care for them 24/7. You mom is an amazing woman to take that on, and I know that having your young positive energy around makes a huge impact on his mental well-being too <3
Thank you so much Natalie! It’s definitely a change, but all for the better! And it’s certainly bringing my family closer together. 🙂
What a great story. My Grandmother also lived with us while I was in High School (she had Alzheimer’s Disease) and it was an amazing experience to have her there. I look back now and know that I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It is an honor to take care of the people you love…indeed, that is what family is for!
Totally agree. I feel so fortunate that we are able to do this for him.
Thank you for sharing this personal story and insight into your life- I could not agree more that family is everything, yet I am not sure I would make that same choice. Even with the best intentions, I would not be equipped to make a better life for an elderly relative with dementia. I give your mom so much credit, and your family for embracing this as an opportunity along with its challenges. Best to you all!
Thank you so much Barrie! It’s certainly a change but like I said…I’m really liking it! 🙂
What a great story, full of positive love for your special Uncle and your family!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read!!
I have gone through a similar experience. I helped my mother care for my dad the last several years of his life. Then we combined 3 households to care for my aunt when her health declined. Then 3 months after she died my mom had a mild stroke and I have to care for her as well. Now my clinically depressed brother has moved in with us. I am not big on change either but in my 50+ years of life I have finally accepted that the only constant is change. Thanks for sharing on the Healthy Living Link Party
So so true. You never know what’s going to happen yet and we can only hope that we have the strength to face it and deal with it. These situations certainly bring us closer together!
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“The things she’s had to deal with over the years would test even the strongest of spirits.”
Your mom sounds truly amazing! Your whole family sounds pretty amazing actually. I love how close knit you all are – it’s really touching and beautiful.
When my grandpa was no longer able to care for himself, my mom and dad took him in too instead of putting him up in a nursing home. And I never really thought anything of it – it seemed normal to me as a kid. Now that I’m older and I actually volunteer at nursing homes, it makes me a little sad to see how lonely some elderly people are. I also know that it’s not always possible for every person or situation to do what your mom or mom did.
Thanks for sharing this with us Kaila =)
Thank you for this sweet comment. I am sharing it with my mom! 🙂
Your Mum sounds like a wonderful person and I take off my hat to all of you for taking your Uncle in. Change is never easy, but sometimes we must ride the waves of change to add some quality to peoples lives.
Old people can be cantankerous and sometimes a right pain in the bum, but then can’t we all be? Just because someone is old and frail, doesn’t mean they are past it and should be put into a nursing home (although I can fully understand that some people just can’t cope with elderly relatives for one reason or another). The still have their personalities and can teach us a thing or two!
xx
Thank you so much! She really is incredible! And yes, I am learning new things from him every day!
Your mum sounds like an incredible person, and your great uncle does sound very entertaining. I will be looking at this video because anything that makes this world a better place is a positive in my book 🙂
Exactly how I feel! Helping others makes the world go round!!
Your family is wonderful and your uncle will always appreciate all you do for him.
Thank you Maryann!
What a great thing to do! You will be so much more out of this than even he will!
Yes!!! I agree! I already am. 🙂
Very true. Soak it up because life is too short. I lost my mom a year ago and I miss her every day. She was such a huge part of my life. Always make sure to hug those you love and tell them how much they mean to you. Thanks for sharing this with us over at Savoring Saturdays linky party.
I am so sorry about your mom. I am really embracing this time with my loved ones!
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What a blessed family! This post is a fave this week on Wake Up Wednesday. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much Beth!
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