Working on your relationship with yourself is the best form of self-care and the only way to move forward in life. This post highlights the things that may be holding you back from your true potential!
You’ve probably heard the saying “you can’t be loved or love others if you don’t love yourself.”
I don’t necessarily agree with this because I think ‘self love’ has an ever evolving definition and is a lifelong pursuit. But what I do believe is that you need to consider your relationship with yourself and the condition it’s in before being able to fully focus on/give yourself to other relationships.
This is something I’ve discovered in my own life, but I think it can definitely be applicable to other people as well. I think relationships (platonic or romantic) take a level of vulnerability. And vulnerability takes a level of comfortability and confidence in oneself.
Obviously self-confidence is something A LOT of people struggle with…myself included. Whether it’s confidence in your appearance, your personality, your success, your communication skills, or any other facets of who you are as a person.
But it’s something that can be worked on and improved if you’re willing to acknowledge the obstacles in your way from achieving a healthy, happy relationship with your body and mind.
So today, I am sharing some KEY signs that you need to heal your relationship with yourself.
You prioritize other’s well being over your own
Are you always doing for others and then feeling exhausted and rundown because you haven’t made time for yourself?
This is SO common. I actually think it’s a tactic to distract ourselves from the necessary rest/work/self-care that we all so desperately need but often put off. Sometimes it feels either to busy ourselves taking care of others, being there for others, listening to others, etc. so that we don’t have to sit with our own thoughts and needs. But all this does is push off the inevitable….burn out.
You can’t be your best self for anyone else or REALLY show up for other people if you’re not taking care of yourself. As much as helping others and doing for others can be fulfilling, prioritizing your own needs is crucial for being able to help people long term.
You don’t know how to say “NO”
Are you spreading yourself to thin? Are you saying “yes” to things you actually can’t commit to or don’t actually want to do?
This problem relates well to the point above it. If you’re too much of a YES person to everyone else, you’re in turn being a NO person to yourself.
When you’re able to effectively communicate no to other people, you prove to yourself that you are in control of your life. You’re in the driver’s seat and choosing to spend your time only doing thing that spark joy or bring fulfillment.
You can’t be everything to everyone and you can’t take part in everything that comes your way. So by learning to say NO more often, you’ll be able to give 100% to the things that you do say YES to.
Your decisions are driven by self-limiting thoughts
I can’t. I won’t. I don’t.
Are these words often in your daily vocabulary? Outloud or in your head?
Belief in yourself, or lack thereof, is KEY determinant of success. Negative thinking surrounding your abilities may be stopping you from even ATTEMPTING things you’re interested in. So don’t let the what ifs or negative self talk influence your decisions.
Your mind and thoughts drive your actions. In other words, what the mind believes (or in this case DOESN’T believe) the body achieves.
Positive thinking, people…it works.
Being vulnerable scares you
The world needs no one else but YOU…the real, unedited version of YOU. Your life is as good as YOU make it. Too many of us do things nowadays to share it with people on social media…for some sort of validation or to create a false narrative for ourselves.
It’s time to stop only showing our highlight reels and instead dialing into the truths about who we are: mind, body, and soul. People connect with realness. As much as those edited, refined parts of ourselves and our lives can be appealing at first glance…it’s the authentic, messy, unperfect parts of us that create REAL connections. Lasting relationships thrive on deep connection, so only sharing the polished aspects of ourselves will only create superficial relationships at best.
You’re striving for self-love instead of self-acceptance
Everyone preaches self-love and that loving yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. Easier said than done, right?
So to make ‘self-love’ more approachable…I advocate for self-acceptance.
You may have heard this quote before: “you’re allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.”
This could not be more true. Self-acceptance is accepting yourself for where you are in all stages of life. It’s acknowledging your flaws, working on your shortcomings, and having pride in your successes. It’s about having confidence in your uniqueness and accentuating the parts of yourself that make you YOU.
This goes hand in hand with my belief in ‘body neutrality’ as opposed to body love/positivity. I’ve dealt with body image issues my whole life and still do. I’ve come to grips with the fact I will probably never LOVE my body, BUT I can accept it for what it is and appreciate it for what it does. The goal with body neutrality is to make no moral judgements about your body and instead to just view it/think about it neutrally.
You dwell on failures or obstacles
Are you hung up on past failures or comparing your own path to other people’s?
Too many of us spend too much time envying others and trying to copy their lives. Then, we sulk, get down on ourselves, and make excuses about why we can’t do or have x, y, and z.
But the truth is anyone can do or achieve anything they want (within reason…you won’t see me flying or competing in Olympic level gymnastics anytime soon 😉 ).
And doing your own thing is the quickest way to TRUE happiness and fulfillment. Part of that is focusing on the journey to getting what you want. You can’t “fail” if you’re looking to learn from the journey instead of the end goal.
Maybe your version of success won’t look like the 1000s of accounts you scroll through on Instagram, but it can be just as satisfying and bring you joy.
Better yet? Living authentically doesn’t just benefit you…it benefits everyone else too. In a world of superficiality and fakeness, we need as many people keeping it real as we can get.
You’re hung up on perfection instead of progress
No one is perfect and no one has a perfect life. BUT we can all do things DAILY to work towards the best version of ourselves. And who’s to say what that “best version” is? Instead, focus on evolution. Your evolution as a person.
As long as you remain a open minded, open to learning new things, and to consistently work on your flaws, you’ll never stop progressing and elevating yourself as a person. Your path doesn’t have to be perfect or without obstacles…in fact the imperfections often create the best opportunities for learning.
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